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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|