🔗 Share this article

The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {